I remember the moment I found out I was pregnant and after the initial shock wore off, I was elated. I'd have clear skin, the perfect pregnant body, I'd only gain the recommended 35 pounds... F*&^ was I wrong. I was terrified to even begin thinking about what would happen after the baby. How was I going to survive? Even after two kids I'm still trying to embrace the below list. It's hard sometimes as a new parent to keep up with real life and the expectation you had before having children. Well here is what I wish I had known sooner...
1. After giving birth, you will still look five months pregnant for roughly five months post partum. THIS IS NORMAL. I remember giving birth to Lakai, looking down and thinking, "Why the hell do I still look pregnant?" Give your body time to heal itself. Not only is it a miracle making a baby, but the way a body heals itself after baby is an equal miracle.
2. Do not compare your experience to that of celebrities. There is an expectation that women in Tinsel Town need to look just as they did before having a baby. This has shifted towards all women. We think celebrities just "bounce back", but it's not true. They have trainers, planned/cooked meals, strict diets and some resort to surgery. THIS IS NOT NORMAL. It takes nine months to put it on and sometimes even longer to work it off. Don't be bothered by this. You are a sexy, full bodied woman who just performed one of the most difficult workouts of your life. Whether you are a size 2, 12, or 22, embrace how beautiful you are.
3. The house may need to be cleaned, the laundry may need folding, meals may need to be cooked... Shit, your house may be burning down (well you might want to react to this one), but nothing is more important than sitting with your sweet child in your arms and trying to burn every detail of their tiny body into your brain. Your children will only be this small in this exact moment. They are forever growing and changing. Unfortunately, no one has made a serum to stop them from getting any bigger, so cherish it. Any anyways, your husband will love having a reason to wear his Crossfit attire even more than he already does, right?
4. Make time to be alone. I mean all alone, without even your husband. You need this time to process and reboot. I have told my husband time and time again that I LOVE grocery shopping by myself. Not only is it ten times quicker than with kids, but it is also my time to be alone with my thoughts. Just think. Make time for just yourself. You need it, but even more, your kids need it. You will be a better momma for it.
5. Don't forget your girlfriends. We had children young, and many of our friends are still years off from even marriage. I used to think my friends and I are just at a different place in our lives, we have nothing in common. This may be true in some cases, but many of your friends are just as excited for you as you are for you. Let them in, don't shut them out. Plus, you need your young, single, non-parent friends there to remind you you can still shake it and throw em' back every once in a while.
6. It takes just as long to put on jeans and a tee as it does sweats. When my husband first said this to me I was pretty pissed. I should state, in the context of our conversation he was not trying to upset me, but what he was saying was completely true. The number one way to feel frumpy is living in yoga pants with spit-up on them.
7. Don't worry if you can't give your children everything and more than you had. This can be especially hard in the materialized society we live in today. When your children are young they will never remember how much money you made, but they will cherish the time you spent with them. Don't regret not spending enough time with your children just so they can have the newest clothing or technology. They won't remember that hipster tee anyways.
8. You aren't just a parent, you're a teacher. Yesterday, Lakai and I were driving to preschool. He kept sneezing and finally said, "I have blush-yous coming out my ass." Okay, I've NEVER said that, but it also made me realize that I really dislike him talking like that, and he learned foul language from us. Your children are part of you; not just your anatomy, but your character. You don't have to go to church or take etiquette classes to learn right from wrong or manners (although those things are great too). As parents, we lead by example... I should probably clean up the language in this post as well. Whoops.
9. It's okay to let them scream it out. Countless times I've been at the store with a crying child. Lleyton is a perpetual screamer (super high pitched, ear piercing scream). Don't leave the store. Continue on with what you are doing. Every time we go to Target Lakai asks for a toy, and typically I say, "not today buddy." Well, in the eyes of a four year old, this response will not suffice. He'll start crying and begging. Don't give in and don't leave the store. Lakai needs to know that this behavior will have no effect on me. He needs to learn how to express himself and at this time in his little life he doesn't understand why it makes him so upset. Even though it can be embarrassing, if other shoppers have had children they understand and won't judge.
(Quick disclaimer: you should only follow no. 9 if your children are having a laps in judgment. If they are tired or hungry, you should fulfill that basic need stat.)
10. Let your husband (or any support person you have) bond with your child and then thank them for it. I can't express how easy it is to completely lose yourself in your new bundle of love. If you're breastfeeding it is even worse. My husband would just standby while I nursed, changed diapers, cuddled, cleaned up fecal matter... And it wasn't by choice. I didn't let him. Dad gets the short end of the deal. Not only do mothers get to feel their child wiggling inside them (by far my favorite part of pregnancy), but our babies NEED us. In infancy, babies do not need fathers for their basic needs and it is easy for our significant others to feel lost. Let dad do as much as he can. Let him give baths, change diapers, cuddle your little to sleep. He needs to feel involved, and when he's done, remind him how much you love him and thank him. It will work wonders for your relationship.
And one BONUS tip... If your child has a blow-out up their back, change their diaper with them faced down. Try it, you'll thank me :)
I can think of plenty more things I wished I known sooner, but this was a good start.
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