renewal.

As I reflect upon last year, I realize that in 2012 I don't need to lose ten pounds, get out of debt (thankfully besides minimal student loans, I have none), or get organized. No need to quit smoking or tame the drinking (I also don't smoke and drink very minimally). I have been truly blessed with no need for these things.

Last night I laid in bed, with Lakai by my side. Almost every night we hold hands as we doze into a deep slumber, but last night he propped his little arm around my neck to hold my hand from the opposite side. I could feel Lakai's breath, each soft breath in and warm release out onto my ear, and I could hear the pitter-patter of his heart. It was a moment in motherhood I will cherish. A moment, years from now I will embrace. It was in that moment that I realized that my son, at such a young and innocent age, already feels a deep sense of love and protection for me. Deeper than I have ever felt for myself.

Up until last night I had no resolution for the New Year. I didn't want to make promises to myself I knew I would not keep. But as I laid next to Lakai last night I made my first promise of 2012: to renew the love I once had for life and for myself. To learn to embrace myself, love myself, and protect myself as I once did. I've let school and work consume the person I always wanted to be and this year it is about letting go and remembering those thing which I love.

This sounds selfish, but I know in embracing myself this year and learning about my deepest desires and ambitions I will be a better mother, daughter, partner and friend. I will be able to grow and give in ways I have selfishly not allowed myself to before. I'm looking forward to all 2012 has to offer!